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cross.tv’s leadership team part of Heaven’s Rapture Beta Test

Apr 01, 2011

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As Experts have long expected and predicted, Heaven has officially begun Beta-testing its rapture program, NimbusAscend.

Heaven’s press secretary stated that a series of test subjects worldwide were chosen around the world due to their respected achievements in Christianity and their slight traces of OCD. Initial tests have affected some staff at cross.tv’s North American office leaving one employee initially saddened at his coworkers disappearance.

On Friday, April 1st at 8:43 am EST, two employees were in the middle of breakfast when beta testing for NimbusAscend officially began. Though the program was a successful during initial testing there are several bugs that have been discovered in its real world application.

“It was weird” said the remaining employee. “They must have told to send clothes ahead of time because what we were wearing just kind of fell in the chair they were sitting in, like in that one movie with Kirk Cameron.”

Morale at cross.tv’s American Headquarters quickly picked back up after one employee realized that “When the cat is gone the mice will play” had never been more applicable than now. After celebrating with a bottle of wine, doing his finest Risky Business impression, and placing an order on cross.tv’s company credit card for an industrial sized ball pit he decided that the only responsible thing to do was spread the news.


We will keep you posted on the events of the rapture as they unfold.


To see if your area is subject to Beta testing of Heaven’s rapture program click here!